Frenemies...Part Deux

Classic T.V. "Frenemies"

Toni & Joan of "Girlfriends

Cady & Regina of "Mean Girls"



Veronica & The Heathers of "Heathers"

Cher & Amber (not pictured) of "Clueless"

Why we have them...should we let them go?



Ok, so now that I've broken down the definition of a "frenemy" and how to decipher as to if you in fact have one, let's talk about why these love-hate relationships exist in our lives and whether you should actually proceed with the friendship.



Competition is natural, and should be healthy, among friends. By nature, women are more competitive than men. Though culturally, it is more widely accepted for men to enact their competitive feelings openly without feeling ashamed or guilty--which is the way that women are made to feel. Let's be honest: however strong-- or iffy-- a friendship may be, there are going to be mixed feelings of support and antagonism. On one hand there's a wish to offer support and to see a friend thrive, yet on the other hand, there's that fear of being left behind or outshone. In essence, the "hate" part of the "love-hate" relationship isn't really hate--its envy or insecurity.



So why do we put up with "fair-weather" friends? Its simple: if a woman has invested a lot in the relationship, she is likely to work to salvage the relationship despite the rocky moments. That's the long and short of it.



Now the difficulty in all this is to decide whether or not to keep this frenemy around. Should you decide to salvage the good in this love-hate situation, there are some things that you have to keep in mind. First, you must focus on the good. Remind yourself of all the good and positive traits about your friend and why you love them. At those times when the bitchiness surfaces, don't follow in her negative footsteps. Consider the situation to be no fault of your own which keeps your self-esteem in tact. And above all else, don't let your friend drag you down. Maintain your positive and loving personality despite her behavior, whether it be temporary or long-standing.



Personally, I would decide to end the frenemy situation. Why continue to invest time and energy into a relationship with a person who only partly gives you the same? When you look at whom your true friends really are, why keep a toxic situation in your life? Even if the frenemy's good traits show through more than the bad, those bad traits--the backbiting, the down-talking, no support and constant jealousy, competion and envy--don't make for a good and healthy friendship. Friends fight, argue, compete...period. But, there is truly a line between what's healthy and what's toxic. As I stated before, human beings are flawed, so therefore friendships inevitably will follow suit. Everyone and every situation is different, so choose wisely as to whom you allow into and keep in your life. Friends are forever...frenemies, only time--and patience--will tell!