Diva Confessions: My Man Has Groupies

If you thought you had to be strong in your relationship, I bet that I could one up you. See, my man is an entertainer, and although he hasn't technically "made it big" yet, his name is becoming more and more familiar across the country. Of course his rising fame has its advantages, but one disadvantage (for me) is the seemingly endless stream of women who will do anything for a piece of what he has. And that means what, you ask?...it means groupies. I know that I have yet to see the worst of it, but I'm gearing up and getting practice tested already.

The funny thing about groupies is that they're enthralled with an "image". They have their sights set on fucking an image! Yes, these men are talented, etc. but if you think for one moment that what you're seeing is 100% true to life, then you're absolutely deluded!

So anywho, I've been asked how is it that I'm able to maintain my composure when some of these women are comparable to vultures. Truthfully, it's hard. It's hard because no matter how happy or secure you are in your relationship there's going to be someone coming real hard at what you hold so dearly. You know that she couldn't care less about what he has at home...all she wants is what she wants.

Now, back to these "practice tests"...One night at a show, I stood back as I normally do, making sure to not crowd his space. Some "random" approached him and got a little too close for (my) comfort. I almost laid hands to her but had to remember that I was in his world so I maintained my composure. That small incident opened my eyes in a big way. I also see things via "social networking sites". Yes, I see certain comments that are made by females but it just doesn't matter to me. It's like yes, please think he's hot & sexy because that makes you purchase his cd's & buy tix to his shows which eventually equates to me driving a Bentley coupe through the big ass gates of a mansion that he and I will share! And speaking of social networking sites, some females are not slick! Stop playing the cool hand with me all the while trynna get w/ my man! I see you...I simply choose to not make it known. And trust me when I say, he tells me EVERYTHING...we're close like that...

I'm fully aware that groupies come with the territory. It's taken at face value and pretty much, it is what it is. He and I have shared detailed communications about the pros and cons of this game. We're fully aware of how one another views those pros and cons as well as how we'll choose to handle them. Afterall, this is the life we chose.

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Diva Confessions: Real Love Equals Hard Work

I'll cut right to the chase: being in a relationship/marriage is hard. I don't think there's anything in life more difficult. Fusing who you are with someone else is proving to be quite the challenge. Sometimes, I ask myself "Is this what I signed up for?" Like most women, I was in love with the idea of being in love. Living happily ever after with that special perfect someone couldn't possibly just be for the movies...right?

Wrong!

He's totally unorganized. A little too loud. When he leaves dishes on the nightstand it drives me nuts. His dirty clothes never quite make it to the hamper and if I trip over another Supra I'm gonna scream! I leave my girly products all over the bathroom, I'm never ready on time, and I can be quite bitchy. We fuss & argue. I've even given him the silent treatment a few times. But to answer my own question, yes, this is what I signed up for--that and a whole lot more. What we share far outweighs any of that other stuff. Love may not be like a movie or a fairy tale, but for me, I've found that's what makes it that much more interesting. We're not perfect people so therefore we're not a perfect couple...but who is? One thing that I can count on is how much we love one another. We work hard at what we have. We make sacrifices & comprimises. We learn from our mistakes as well as from one another. At the end of the day, we do it for us...and for us, the hard work is well worth the rewards.

Love quotes to live by...

"Love is hard work; and hard work sometimes hurts!"
-Unknown

"Some love lasts a lifetime. True love lasts forever."
-Unknown

"Love is shown in your deeds, not in your words." -- Fr. Jerome Cummings

"Where there is love there is life." -- Gandhi

"To love someone deeply gives you strength. Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage." -- Lao Tzu

Truly yours,

Tay.

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Diva Confessions: When Dating Goes Wrong

I'm one half of a pair now, but I was single for quite some time before putting the love on lockdown. Like most women, I've had to kiss alot of frogs before finding my Prince Charming. With all of my bad purchases from the men department I have quite a few stories to tell--some funny, some bad, and some just too sad to be anything else! It never ceases to amaze me how many loser guys there are out here. Take a look at what I mean...

The guy I dated who, after two weeks of dating, asked me my pay pattern. He wanted to know if I got paid weekly or bi-weekly so that during the months I received an "extra" paycheck, he could have it to support his gambling habits! (Imagine how long he lasted after that.)

The guy who took me to dinner with a stolen gift card that ended up not having any funds on it. He actually was upset when the waitress came back to the table to tell him there wasn't enough to cover the meal and really expected for me to help pay for it!

The guy with the trust issues that waited for me to come home one evening and jumped out of the bushes to make sure I was alone!

The dysfunctional alcoholic asshole who decided to bite the shit out of my left arm one night after an argument! (8 years later I still have the scar)

ETC, ETC, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH...

I was beginning to think I was a rest haven for the lost and the useless. I felt like a job that was only accepting applications from losers. Dating was just...a bust! It's hard to keep the faith that there's a good man out there just for you when all you seem to meet are a bunch of randoms. Dating can get totally and utterly ugly but when Mr. (Almost) Perfect comes along, it makes your time in the trenches all worthwhile.

Don't give up. Take a break if need be, but don't give up on finding that special "he" to compliment your sexy swag.

Know what you want, but be willing to be a little flexible. That list of requirements shouldn't be written in stone. Tunnel vision is a no-no. Sometimes, you have to bend a little to see that what you thought you wanted isn't always what you need.

Don't be scurred to ask the questions that matter to you. If you're looking for a relationship, you need to find out if he is. Ask your questions early on and expect nothing less than clear, concise & honest answers. Miscommunication sucks and makes for a wasted experience.

Never settle just for the sake of saying you're off the market. Although it may seem like you've been on countless dates with countless guys, don't begin to make excuses for guys you know you wouldn't normally consider being with. Trust your instincts and keep it moving. Being single may not be what you want but you can do bad all by yourself.

Don't get jaded. Keep the faith that when it's meant to be it will be--no matter how long it's taking. Give every guy you decide to try out the benefit. Afterall, he is innocent until proven guilty.

Have fun. Alot of times when us ladies are looking to be in a relationship, the fun gets lost in translation. Lighten up! Your sanity in the dating world depends on it!

Dating often goes wrong, but in the grand scheme of things, all it takes is that one "right" to change your outlook.

Truly yours,

Tay.

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