Diva Confessions: When Dating Goes Wrong

I'm one half of a pair now, but I was single for quite some time before putting the love on lockdown. Like most women, I've had to kiss alot of frogs before finding my Prince Charming. With all of my bad purchases from the men department I have quite a few stories to tell--some funny, some bad, and some just too sad to be anything else! It never ceases to amaze me how many loser guys there are out here. Take a look at what I mean...

The guy I dated who, after two weeks of dating, asked me my pay pattern. He wanted to know if I got paid weekly or bi-weekly so that during the months I received an "extra" paycheck, he could have it to support his gambling habits! (Imagine how long he lasted after that.)

The guy who took me to dinner with a stolen gift card that ended up not having any funds on it. He actually was upset when the waitress came back to the table to tell him there wasn't enough to cover the meal and really expected for me to help pay for it!

The guy with the trust issues that waited for me to come home one evening and jumped out of the bushes to make sure I was alone!

The dysfunctional alcoholic asshole who decided to bite the shit out of my left arm one night after an argument! (8 years later I still have the scar)

ETC, ETC, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH...

I was beginning to think I was a rest haven for the lost and the useless. I felt like a job that was only accepting applications from losers. Dating was just...a bust! It's hard to keep the faith that there's a good man out there just for you when all you seem to meet are a bunch of randoms. Dating can get totally and utterly ugly but when Mr. (Almost) Perfect comes along, it makes your time in the trenches all worthwhile.

Don't give up. Take a break if need be, but don't give up on finding that special "he" to compliment your sexy swag.

Know what you want, but be willing to be a little flexible. That list of requirements shouldn't be written in stone. Tunnel vision is a no-no. Sometimes, you have to bend a little to see that what you thought you wanted isn't always what you need.

Don't be scurred to ask the questions that matter to you. If you're looking for a relationship, you need to find out if he is. Ask your questions early on and expect nothing less than clear, concise & honest answers. Miscommunication sucks and makes for a wasted experience.

Never settle just for the sake of saying you're off the market. Although it may seem like you've been on countless dates with countless guys, don't begin to make excuses for guys you know you wouldn't normally consider being with. Trust your instincts and keep it moving. Being single may not be what you want but you can do bad all by yourself.

Don't get jaded. Keep the faith that when it's meant to be it will be--no matter how long it's taking. Give every guy you decide to try out the benefit. Afterall, he is innocent until proven guilty.

Have fun. Alot of times when us ladies are looking to be in a relationship, the fun gets lost in translation. Lighten up! Your sanity in the dating world depends on it!

Dating often goes wrong, but in the grand scheme of things, all it takes is that one "right" to change your outlook.

Truly yours,

Tay.

Read more...

Clearly, He's Just Not That Into You

Ok, so you met a guy. Said guy has a girl. You sleep with guy anyway. Time passess...feelings start to get involved. Guy says things like he's leaving his girl and you believe him. Yet, guy's actions prove differently. Guy's not leaving girl afterall. What do you do?



Ladies, I am going to be as honest with you as I can possibly be: if you find yourself in this situation, it always ends up the same. It's a lose-lose situation and you only end up playing yourself. Never think for one second that you must be "better" than his chick. Whether she's sitting at home waiting for his phone call or not, he's still not with YOU. Standing in line waiting to be a guy's woman only shows your desperation. Throwing yourself at someone, trying to buy their affection, or acting like a psycho won't win you that spot either. Besides, do you really want to be with a man who shows you that he doesn't really want to be with you? He's just not that into you...and definitely into himself! So chunk the deuces and keep it moving in the direction of your happiness.

Read more...

How Far Would You Go to Please Your Man?

It's been said that what one woman won't do, another one will. So, how far are you willing to go to make sure that your man is sexually satisfied? Role play? Handcuffs? Knowing what each of your fantasies are and acting on some of them is a healthy part of keeping the spice in your relationship. Don't be afraid to find out what your man really likes or would like to do sexually and don't be afraid to let him know what you would like as well. I've said it before and I'll say it again, "If you can't be a freak with your man, then who can you be one with?".



Like it, love it, or otherwise, sex is an important piece of the pie of a happy, healthy relationship. Try introducing your man to a sexy surprise, and I guarantee you that his smile will be ear to ear! Embrace that inner wild side and let go of any inhibitions. It's you and your man fulfilling your fantasies and there's nothing to be ashamed of or embarrased by. Take things to that freaky level and the results will definitely be undeniable! I would teach you some sure fire tricks...but I'd have to charge you! LOL!



Work it girls!!!

Read more...

I Love You...I Think

In love? Or so you think. In the beginning stages, love and lust feel very similar. The excitement of being with your new boo is like a high that you can't seem to get enough of. Once the newness wears off reality sets in and here's where you'll know what emotion you're really feeling--love or lust.

When you're in love you experience the connection of two souls, settling your differences & dealing with conflict as one, sharing life experiences and being true friends. Love is pure and comes without decision.

Lust is an intense desire to be with a person physically or sexually. It doesn't include compromise or sharing and is a shallow way of believing that you're in love.

Love, by definition, is a "constellation of emotions and experiences related to a sense of strong affection of profound oneness."

Lust, by definition, is "any intense desire or craving for self-gratification, mostly sexual desire."

Love is built on emotional and intellectual compatibility. After the physical fades, there is still a connection.

Lust is strictly comprised of physical chemistry.

True love stands the test of time while lust...doesn't.

So there you have it. Take your time and be sure to differentiate between the two.

Read more...

His Cheatin' Heart

Why do men cheat? It's an age-old question. Some men cheat because it's Tuesday. Other men have "better" reasons. Sometimes you and the relationship, or lack thereof, are contributing factors. A combo of issues may be the culprit as well. To us, it's all excuses and the one excuse we ain't buyin' is the "It's in a man's DNA to cheat." Two-syllable word: bullshit. After pondering the possible answers to this question, I came up with a few reasons why I think men stray. I then took my Q&A to Rob, who gave me his top reasons as to why infedelity takes place. Here's what I think:

1. Because they can …

As the saying goes, "men are only as faithful as their options." I didn't want to believe this, but sadly I do. I really want to believe that men, for the most part, will think with the right head--the one attached to their neck--and resist most temptation. But with so many desperate women out here putting their pussy on a silver platter and ready to serve it right on up at all costs, day to day life is becoming more like the Garden of Eden. I'm just hoping mine don't take a bite of that forbidden fruit!

2. It boosts his ego …

He's been with you for ages and starts feeling less attractive to other women. Suddenly, one day, some chick tells him he's sexy and his antennas spring up. He allows her to continue stroking his ego. After the thrill of the chase comes the major ego boost once the stroking of the ego becomes the stroking of something else...you get the picture.

3. You grow apart...

You no longer take an interest in his lifestyle and hobbies. He finds someone who does. She tells him how great his hoop game is and gets all excited when he talks about his long day at work--the same way you used to.

4. He's no longer in love …

Whether he's staying with you for the kids, or because it's "cheaper to keep 'er", he doesn't want to hurt your feelings (and doesn't want you to hurt him physically) so he looks for love elsewhere. In his eyes, he can't lose!

5. You argue... a lot …

No man wants a repeat of his mother and constant nagging is a sure-fire way to drive your man away. You fuss, you fight. You're still fussing. He's out the door and into the arms of another woman who will assure him that she understands and tells him exactly what he wants to hear.

Stay tuned for Rob's response to "Why do men cheat?", coming up on Pink Sugar TV!

Read more...

But He Looks Good on Paper

Have you ever met that guy or that girl and he or she seemed to have it goin' on? I'm talking great job, nice ride, their own crib (nicely decorated and furnished), bank account with an actual balance, very attractive, and so fly! They have all the makings of an ideal mate because they seem to be independent and all the way together. You're happy to have someone that you can brag about! Only problem is, what he or she has in "checklist attributes" they are lacking in character, morals, personality, and/or intelligence. They have all the things that make them desirable from the outside looking in, but when you REALLY look in...it's just a big ugly mess!

It's fine to have standards and expectations when looking for that man or that woman that you want to spend your days and nights with. What's NOT fine is to put in place of inner qualities, those tangible qualities for the sake of bragging rights. Yes, it feels good to be able to talk about your other half's accomplishments but it should feel better to have that inner peace and to be happy with the level of love, respect and friendship that you're receiving from them. It takes more than status and money and "things" to make a healthy, commited relationship. There are people who have all of this and yet they are dying inside. They don't love themselves so they don't know how to love anyone else. To these type of people, accomplishments and accolades "make" them. Without the money, or the fly car, or the group of followers, they wouldn't know what to do with themselves. Clearly, any unhappiness on the inside is going to spill over into any relationships this person has.

All in all, choose qualities in a potential mate that can't be purchased with any amount of money. They don't have to be completely broke, I mean, we need him or her to have some type of ambition! But that guy with the spankin' new Benz and the fat bank account could be a complete jerk while the guy with the regular 9-5 driving some regular car could be that one to make you feel your best! Fellas, don't count out the girl who works in the call center for the glamour girl. Look past the tangible because that is where the happiness dwells.

Read more...

Let's Be Friends (with Benefits)

The ideal relationship? Maybe. Less stressful than an affair, longer-lived than the infamous one-night stand, and more casual than an actual union. It's an easy, breezy, fun, carefree & convenient arrangement...until someone falls harder than the other person involved! Are the benefits actual "benefits" when there's a possibility for a great friendship to be ruined by unreciprocated feelings? Is there a fear of committment that pushes one toward an F.W.B. situation? I mean, you get the warm fuzzies of being around a familiar friend, yet there are no strings attatched and both parties are free to "do them". So in essence, just how ideal is this arrangement? For some, the thought of an actual commited relationship is enough to make one run for the hills, so the F.W.B. arrangement is almost like a signature now. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? So now the rules of friendship have been altered, almost to a degree of uncertain awkwardness. What if one party goes into an F.W.B. with hopes of it leading to something more? Reports show that about 1/10 of these arrangements do lead to commitments, but that is such a small number on such a large scale. What about the rut that you end up falling into? When one or both F.W.B.'s get super comfy dealing in this arrangement, and one or both end up venturing out elsewhere....hmmm....awkward maybe? All in all, being F.W.B.'s definitely takes a certain amount of being able to stay mentally and emotionally "in check". Even on those cuddly nights where the two seem to be & look like the King & Queen of Coupledom, F.W.B.'s still must keep it in the forefront of their minds that...they are still just F.W.B.'s! So, what happens when one willing participant does begin to catch feelings? Options aren't exactly a plenty--suck it up, keep it to yourself and secretly hope that your fellow F.W.B feels the same, roll the dice and disclose how you feel come hell or high water, or just chunk the deuces to the situation in its entirety because you've come to the realization that you aren't in fact mentally & emotionally ready to deal. The F.W.B. arrangement is definitely the "gray area" of adult relations. There is just so much involved...just like an actual relationship if you will. If this is the road one decides to travel, all I can say is put your best game face on and be ready for anything!...because baby let me tell you, if you're unable to maintain the situation, you'll be playing a losing game.

Read more...

Not Easily Impressed

There's a song--one of my fave songs--by Jill Scott entitled "Spring Summer Feeling". She sings in the chorus, "...it takes more than diamonds to woo me...it takes more than money to move me...it takes more than material things..." A real woman--a woman who is secure with who she is--is infatuated with character and not "things". Any man who steps up has to come correct. She is not captivated by how passionately he talks of material assets, but instead by how passionately he is able to love. I mean,what woman doesn't love nice gifts, intimate dinners, and beautiful bouquets? But those gestures aren't proof of what's needed and necessary to KEEP a woman of substance. They're just icing on the cake. A woman's love cannot be purchased, it has to be earned. Honesty, confidence, ambition, intelligence, personality, charisma, great conversation, great character...things that money can't buy is what impresses us.

Read more...

How to Lose a Guy in 30 Days or Less (LOL)

1. Call him back to back--REPEATEDLY!...while you're at it, leave him a bunch of whiny/bitchy messages chewing him out for NOT answering any of your 100 calls!

2. Tell anyone who will listen just how close the two of you have become. I'm sure he'll just love the fact that all of your girlfriends now know that he slept with his favorite teddy until he was 13!

3. Being his girl just isn't enough...so strive to become his mom! Nag him on how he needs to clean his house, dress differently, and shake those loser friends of his.

4. He loves your style! Of course he does...you're fly! Go ahead and drag him to the mall with you, try on fifty dresses and keep asking him just how fat or stupid you look in them.

5. Congrats! You've just received that degree in Psychology...so now you have no choice but to analyze--and re-analyze-- everything he says. "Hmmmm...he wants lasagna for dinner...clearly that's an unequivocal marriage proposal!"

6. Awwww...those random pics of the two of you are just so darling! Surely a giant picture collage plastered on his wall & presented to him as a surprise would be the highlight of his day!

7. Modern Bride, Martha Stewart Wedding, the spiral notebook you've had since 98 with all of your wedding plans & details...it's all so exciting! I'm sure he'd love to hear about the ivory silk hand-beaded fishtail deep-v Vera Wang couture gown and diamond-encrusted veil that you plan to wear while HE so anxiously awaits your march down that aisle!

8. Those pesky chin hairs, that yeast infection that seems to be Monistat-resistant, and even the "Tampax" vs. "O.B." debate is surely the type of conversation your guy loves to have with you. Be sure to drive the point home with great detail & demonstrations!

9. Don't forget to throw it in his face every chance you get just how much you've upgraded him! Had it not been for you, he would still be wearing Enyce & Dunks as opposed to those Tru's and Prada sneaks!

10. You're on the phone.....again! This time with his mom! Wave him away and reassure him its ok. The two of you are just discussing all of his flaws...and what you can collaboratively do to change them.

Read more...

First Date Nookie: Yay or Nay?

Is sex on a first date acceptable? Well, it depends on who you ask. Different people feel differently about giving up the cookies/getting the cookies during a first date. There's the age-old double standard that still lives on in regards to labels on a man and on a woman who choose to proceed with sex on a first date. Some guys say that if both parties involved are feeling one another that they're cool with it. Some guys feel that if a girl did it with him then she has clearly done it with everyone else and therefore aren't interested in pursuing anything further than a sexual relationship if any relationship at all. Other guys say "make me work for it". Just like men, women have different mentalities as well. The stigma behind first date sex is enough to make some women fore go the situation altogether, and just wait it out. Other women choose to wait anyway because they feel that it's the right thing to do. But, what about those girls who do decide to have sex on the first date? Is it fair to label them with a "scarlet letter"? This whole topic is debatable on so many levels. To be completely honest, I've been on both sides of the fence with this one. And although I haven't had any truly negative experiences behind it, in my opinion it's better to wait. Wait because you don't want to quickly involve your feelings in someone who you don't know what their intentions are; and intentions aren't something you discuss on a first date. Also, with so many girls using sex as as a weapon, you will be that one to stand out when you resist that temptation. Sex period just carries so much mental and emotional weight that it's important to know yourself and know exactly what you're after when you make the decision to lay with someone. If you're a woman who has first date sex frequently and experiences negative thoughts or situations behind your actions, take a deep and realistic look at the reasons why you're falling into this habit...and then change that habit. You look alot more powerful and alluring when he has to imagine what you have. So, having said that, I say "nay" to sex on the first date.

Read more...

A Girlfriend & A Woman

A girlfriend only wants to spend your money;

A woman helps you build your wealth.

A girlfriend nags you to come home when you're out handling business;

A woman understands that her man may have to put in long hours to make ish happen.

Girlfriends get upset when other chicks look at their man, while

Women smile at the fact that their man is such a hot commodity.

A girlfriend hollas about how hot SHE is not realizing she's just the average chick;

A woman quietly upgrades her man's fresh without having to say a word.

Girlfriends don't know their p* from a hole in the wall;

Women know what makes them feel good, what makes their man feel good & freaks her man on the regular.

A girlfriend never notices the little things that make her man special;

A woman bestows compliments upon her man to let him know just how much he means to her.

A girlfriend is just that...a girl trynna play the role of a woman, while

A woman plays her part, loves & admires her man & knows that behind every strong man stands a strong woman.

-Shonte.

Read more...

My Position, Secure

I'll get straight to the point: when in a relationship, there is no room for insecurity. You have to know your position and play it to the best of your abilities. Your confidence, sexiness, "swagginess" all has to be front and center and ready for action. Why? Because chicks who want what you have will be watching and ready to take your spot at any given moment. They can sniff out your insecurities from a mile away and will play on them until your man becomes their prize. Nothing in life is a guarantee, but there are some surefire ways to keep you an MVP in your man's eyes:



~Stay sexy~ Be that hot chick that caught his eye as much as possible. Sleep in a slinky nightie instead of those jogging pants and oversized tee! Keep that figure rockin, those feet soft and pedi'd, those hands soft and mani'd, that lipgloss poppin, and that hair and wardrobe fly!



~Don't fish for compliments~ This makes you look desperate. Your man will compliment you when he notices the goods. If you have to dig for it, he won't sound sincere and that is just going to hurt your feelings or upset you. Another thing, when he does compliment you, just say "thank you" and leave it at that!



~Maintain your own interests~ If you were into reading novels and crocheting before him, continue on with those hobbies while you're with him. There's nothing worse than when a girl's life revolves completely around her guy. Be that interesting, well-rounded girl he fell in love with instead of a carbon copy of him.



~Be (and stay) a beast in the bedroom~ If you can't be a freak for your man then who can you be one for? Change it up, try some new things (some toys, a sexy fit, some role play), and cater to both of your fantasies. He'll always remember your creativity and your willingness to please him.



~Communicate openly and honestly~ This is the age-old & timeless key to keeping your relationship healthy. Don't wait until you all have a disagreement to tell him how you REALLY feel! Even in happier times its fine to talk about things that need to be discussed. No need to yell or place blame, just talk. Be honest yet tactful with your opinions and be open to receive feedback. Don't harbor on issues. Communicate, solve (or agree to disagree), and move on. Don't dwell! There's too much love to be made!



It's alot of work, but if your man is a good man and you know he's worth it, then doing what you gotta to keep your position secure should become second nature. Trust me ladies!

Read more...

She a Freak Tho'

You love your girl. She's beautiful, intelligent, humble & treats you like a King. There's just one thing--she was a hoe. Do you proceed with the relationship? Or do you let her past stand in the way of what could be something great between the two of you? This could be a hard one. Does what others think or say have a bearing on your decision? When you walk into a bar or restaurant with your girl and she speaks to a guy she knows, would you immediately feel as though he's a past lover of hers? Being with a girl who's been with a lot of guys before settling down with you can bring forth some insecurities. The thing is that it shouldn't. If your girl was honest and forthcoming with what she's done in her past, and she is in fact proving herself to be a one-man woman to you, then all of that should be water under the bridge. The crazy thing is that it is very possible for the shoe to be on the other foot, but the double-standard placed on men and women prevents men from being looked down upon for having lots of sexual partners. Guys get big ups...girls are hoes.



The age old question of "Can you turn a hoe into a housewife?" is answered this way: Is the hoe ready to turn herself into a housewife? If so, then yes. If not, then obviously, no. If you're fine with your girl and her past then screw what anyone else has to say. Afterall, a hoe is only in the eye of the beholder! :-)

Read more...

Love is Alot of Things...Except Perfect

Do you have those friends that are so in love with the idea of being in love? For them, it’s all about holding hands, gazing into each others’ eyes, and picnics in the park on a warm sunny day? Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but that is a far cry from the reality of love. There was a movie--the name of it escapes me--where the lead female actress said one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard: “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” In whose world? Love may be a lot of things, but one thing it AIN’T is perfect. Love is as complex as the people who experience it. If you sit 100 people down and ask them what their definition of love is, I’m 100% positive that you will get 100 different answers. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean that you won’t hurt them. It is human nature to err. The thing is, together, you make it work and you work hard! Love is a lot of work and dedication. In a lot of aspects, it’s the combination of two into one, while still maintaining who you are as a person. When you love someone, it can be good, bad and ugly. You’re taking on their flaws and bad habits. It’s not always a pretty package. When you view it through rose-colored glasses or with your head in the clouds, you get a diluted perception of what love truly is. Love in its true form is raw. It is built upon. Those who seek out flawless love are sure to be disappointed. Even in its rawest form love is a beautiful thing. It’s just not perfect.

Read more...

An Icebox Where My Heart Used to Be

What happens to the girl who used to love so freely, giving all her best to the man she loves...only to be hurt & betrayed in the end? Does she ever get past that pain? Does she ever recover mentally or emotionally? They say once you give your heart away, you never quite get it back. So, what's left of that empty cavity that used to house so much love? It grows cold, dark, and hollow. Emotion is replaced with cynicism and mistrust, and the optimism of love's promise is replaced with the pessimism of love's bullshit. She knows that it is not fair to prejudge, she tries hard not to, but in her eyes all men become one in the same. When she feels herself getting too comfortable and beginning to open up, quickly, she pulls back from the possibility of being sucked up in the whirlwind. Basically, she is torn between defrosting her heart...digging deep to find the courage to love again and keeping her ice queen persona in order to protect what's left. On the upside, she lives life less naive and a little more aware that the world can be a cold and lonely place. She self-assures that no one can love her more than herself. There is a realization that love should be complimentary, not supplementary. And once and for all, she makes the decision to let the cards fall how they may. So, what happens to the girl who traded her love for betrayal? Ultimately, she's ok.

Read more...