Hate On Haters! Hate On!

In light of what seems to be an epidemic, I've decided to post one of my fave poems by none other than Maya Angelou.

A hater is someone who is jealous and envious and spends all
their time trying to make you look small so they can look tall.
They are very negative people to say the least. Nothing is ever
good enough! When you make your mark, you will always attract some
haters…That’s why you have to be careful with whom you share your
blessings and your dreams, because some folk can’t handle seeing you
blessed…

It’s dangerous to be like somebody else…

If God wanted you to be like somebody else, He would have given
you what He gave them! Right? You never know what people have gone
through to get what they have.

The problem I have with haters is that they see my glory, but
they don’t know my story… If the grass looks greener on the other side
of the fence, you can rest assured that the water bill is higher there
too!

We’ve all got some haters among us! People envy you because you can:

Have a relationship with God
Light up a room when you walk in
Start your own business
Tell a man / woman to hit the curb (if he / she isn’t about the right thing)
Raise your children without both parents being in the home

Haters can’t stand to see you happy, Haters will never want to
see you succeed, Haters never want you to get the victory, most of our
haters are people who are supposed to be on our side. How do you handle
your undercover haters?

You can handle these haters by:

1. Knowing who you are & who your true friends are *(VERY IMPORTANT!!)
2. Having a purpose to your life? Purpose does not mean having a job.
You can have a job and still be unfulfilled. A purpose is having
a clear sense of what God has called you to be. Your purpose is not
defined by what others think about you.
3. By remembering what you have is by divine prerogative and not
human manipulation. Fulfill your dreams!

You only have one life to live…when it’s your time to leave this earth,
you ‘want’ to be able to say, ‘I’ve lived my life and fulfilled
‘my’ dreams,… Now I’m ready to go HOME! When God gives you favor, you can
tell your haters, Don’t look at me…Look at Who is in charge of me…’

Maya Angelou

Read more...

Oops! My Bad!

So yesterday, Fabolous went IN on T-Pain via Twitter after finding out that T-Pain said fcuk him and Jay-z...

F.Y.I. This is not a beef.. jus Twitter fun. someone retweeted that Tpain said Fuck Me on twitter & truthfully i dont know if he said or not

#tpainbetter chill cuz i will air this nigga via twitter...

#tpainbetter thank me.. he's #1 TT.. the only place his name gonna b #1 for a lonnnggggggg time!

#tpainbetter apologize & blame it on the al-a-a-al-a-al-cohol

#tpainbetter stop singin in the fan... that aint talent we can all do that..

#tpainbetter audition to be a California Raisin.. He's done!

#uknowhowiknowuregay cuz u do a song wit Lil Wayne & change ur name to T-Wayne...eeeel

#tpainbetter stop playin for JayZ buys every autotune machine in the world & end his career...

#tpainbetter stay his ass outta the sun for the rest of his life!!

#tpainbetter give Mr. Monopoly back his top hats!!

#tpainbetter not meet me in Brooklyn...

After D.O.A., #tpainbetter not be mad, UPS is hiring!!

Jus heard Tpain says Fuck JayZ & Fuck Fabolous too over Twitter... Ok, now me & my twiggas/Street Twitter Ditta Dam must go in on him!

i was chillin but i guess i cant leave Twitter alone, the shit needs me.. new trending topic.. #tpainbetter

Oh yeah Tpain??? i think i hav 2 go in on this nigga....

...only to find out that it wasn't even T-Pain's page...

Ok so i jus got word that it wasnt Tpain's twitter page who said Fuck Fabolous..a fake page, w/ 900 followers.. oooops, damn i went in LOL

But thats jus a taste of what u'll get if u fuck wit me via twitter, Back to my Twitter chillin...

Yes this was funny, but has something like this ever happened to you? Have you ever received word or thought that someone you were supposed to be cool with was talking crazy about you only to later find out that they weren't? I know I've had this happen to me before, I won't even lie. I assumed that a friend was talking about me and referencing me in things she was saying so I launched a full attack on her--only to discover that I was wrong. We talked about it, got past it and we're friends again but boy did that suck!

Be careful so that you're not caught out there and having to eat your words later. We all make mistakes but the golden rule here is to verify any and all sources first and foremost before you say or do something regrettable.

Here's the video that started it all...

Read more...

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

What's known doesn't always have to be said. This is something that I say often in regards to those who constantly go around telling others who or what they are. If you're truly on a certain level, it's not necessary to tap people on the shoulder and tell them. It will be known. Who are you trying to convince? Yourself maybe? You just end up looking like a lame and a wannabe if you have to keep saying out of your mouth "I'm the shit!" "I'm fly!" "I'm rich!" "I'm a bad bitch!", etc. Live your life and let your actions speak for themselves.



“He who is humble is confident and wise. He who brags is insecure and lacking.”

Read more...

Frenemies...Part Deux

Classic T.V. "Frenemies"

Toni & Joan of "Girlfriends

Cady & Regina of "Mean Girls"



Veronica & The Heathers of "Heathers"

Cher & Amber (not pictured) of "Clueless"

Why we have them...should we let them go?



Ok, so now that I've broken down the definition of a "frenemy" and how to decipher as to if you in fact have one, let's talk about why these love-hate relationships exist in our lives and whether you should actually proceed with the friendship.



Competition is natural, and should be healthy, among friends. By nature, women are more competitive than men. Though culturally, it is more widely accepted for men to enact their competitive feelings openly without feeling ashamed or guilty--which is the way that women are made to feel. Let's be honest: however strong-- or iffy-- a friendship may be, there are going to be mixed feelings of support and antagonism. On one hand there's a wish to offer support and to see a friend thrive, yet on the other hand, there's that fear of being left behind or outshone. In essence, the "hate" part of the "love-hate" relationship isn't really hate--its envy or insecurity.



So why do we put up with "fair-weather" friends? Its simple: if a woman has invested a lot in the relationship, she is likely to work to salvage the relationship despite the rocky moments. That's the long and short of it.



Now the difficulty in all this is to decide whether or not to keep this frenemy around. Should you decide to salvage the good in this love-hate situation, there are some things that you have to keep in mind. First, you must focus on the good. Remind yourself of all the good and positive traits about your friend and why you love them. At those times when the bitchiness surfaces, don't follow in her negative footsteps. Consider the situation to be no fault of your own which keeps your self-esteem in tact. And above all else, don't let your friend drag you down. Maintain your positive and loving personality despite her behavior, whether it be temporary or long-standing.



Personally, I would decide to end the frenemy situation. Why continue to invest time and energy into a relationship with a person who only partly gives you the same? When you look at whom your true friends really are, why keep a toxic situation in your life? Even if the frenemy's good traits show through more than the bad, those bad traits--the backbiting, the down-talking, no support and constant jealousy, competion and envy--don't make for a good and healthy friendship. Friends fight, argue, compete...period. But, there is truly a line between what's healthy and what's toxic. As I stated before, human beings are flawed, so therefore friendships inevitably will follow suit. Everyone and every situation is different, so choose wisely as to whom you allow into and keep in your life. Friends are forever...frenemies, only time--and patience--will tell!

Read more...

Frenemies

It's easy and comforting to think that our relationships can be tucked into neat little categories like friend, BFF, acquaintance, lover, and coworker--in reality, most relationships are as complex and indefinable as the people who create them. A new term "frenemy", made popular by the movie "Mean Girls", gives a new outlook and perspective on the fact that friendships are not always friendly, nor as simple and clear cut as they appear to be on the surface. It's easy to seperate friend from foe, but recognizing friend from frenemy...not so much.

A frenemy can be described in many ways: an enemy disguised as a friend, a person whose words and actions bring you down intentionally, or a relationship that is mutually beneficial or dependent while being competitive in a non-healthy fashion and peppered with mistrust.

There are different ways to figure out if you in fact have a frenemy in your life. Understand that there are variations of frenemies. They can be calculatingly manipulative to outright and obviously selfish and unkind. Just because a person doesn't mean to be mean doesn't erase the impact of the blow.

Paying attention to how you feel in the presence of your potential frenemy is important. Do you clam up when they come around? Do you feel competitive when they discuss work, hobbies, love life, or finances? Do you often talk bad about them to others? If you find yourself continually acting less than the most loving and centered version of yourself when the two of you get together, a frenemy may be in your life.

Never second-guess your initial reactions to things a potential frenemy may do or say. The first feelings we have about people and situations are most accurate. Look for a pattern of constant emotionally draining situations and insensitivity. Occasional let-downs or acts of insensitivity don't exactly qualify a person for frenemy status...people are flawed and therefore friendships will inevitably follow suit. However a person who constantly uses you for their own personal agenda, shoots insults at you, breaks promises, ignores your requests and manipulates you (even passive-aggressively) goes well beyond the friendship margin of error.

Try to compare and contrast a frenemy's personality traits against those of someone you know with complete certainty is a friend. Traits become more apparent when viewed this way because a potential frenemy may have more positive qualities than negative ones. Frenemies will often share your values and interests. I mean, if you didn't have these things in common, it would be easy to qualify your frenemies as enemies and move on from them.

If you just can't decipher between friend/frenemy, ask a definite and trusted friend for validation. Sometimes, a third party perspective can help you sort things out.

Read more...

What's Healthy About Competition

We all have a little competitive edge inside of us. Some of us have more than a little, LOL. But when does it become detrimental? Here is an excerpt from www.redroom.com that gives an excellent breakdown of healthy competition vs. unhealthy competition:



"Healthy competition encourages everyone involved to push themselves harder than they would have without competition, and as a result they achieve more personal or professional growth whether they won or lost. Healthy competition expands the boundaries of what you believed was possible for yourself. And it encourages you to admit to others that you’re ambitious.



Unhealthy competition is when your reaction to others’ success is negative, rather than inspiring and motivating to you. Unhealthy competition is where you hope others have limitations because you are afraid your limitations will cause you to lose unless they are somehow held back. Unhealthy competition is where you associate shame with losing rather than see your own nobility for trying."



In a nutshell, what makes competition unhealthy is the lack of self-esteem. Compete to push yourself beyond your limits and not to the detriment of yourself or others. There's still success in trying.



<====this doesn't look too healthy, LOL!

Read more...

You Made Your Bed...Now Sleep

Alot of people tend to write checks that their ass can't cash. When you do or say certain things, you have to be able to stand up and take full accountability for those things. Here's a good rule of thumb: if you have to start your conversation off with "Don't tell anybody I told you this..." then you may want to reconsider saying what you're about to say and/or to whom you're about to say it to. The thing is, 9.5 times out of 10, the person you told not to tell is going to tell anyway, and all the bullshit is going to fall back on you. At that point, are you man or woman enough to take the heat? If not, then watch this sort of thing. If so, still, watch this sort of thing. Do you want to be known as the person who keeps drama going, or the town gossip? Those aren't nice titles to hold and only makes you look miserable. Once you dig this sort of a hole, the only honorable and stand-up thing left to do is to cop to it. There is no backdoor out of the bullshit. When you make your bed, you have to lie in it!

Read more...

Why Hate When You Should Congratulate

Why is it so hard for some people to applaud others' successes? It seems that no matter how positive something is, or how well someone is doing, there's always that person who manages to shine a negative light on it. These people just never have anything nice to say about anything or anyone.



"The secret of being miserable is to have the leisure to bother about whether you are happy or not. The cure is occupation." ~George Bernard Shaw



One should find inspiration and motivation in the success of their peers. We all have it in us to do great things, so be happy for those who've attained success. Instead of talking about them, try picking their brain for positive feedback and information that could only help you get to where you want to be. Only miserable people who don't know their worth and have too much time on their hands find fault in everything and everyone around them. Remember, it takes more energy to down-talk someone than it does to congratulate them.

Read more...

A Reason, Season, or a Lifetime

"People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person...

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it's time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept this lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant."

Read more...

God Has a Plan for Us All

When things happen in your life, or in the lives of those around you, do you ever stop to think about your life and what God has in store for you? Alot of us live day to day, repeating our daily routines, never stopping to think about tomorrow. Usually, it takes an event of some sort for us to stop and think and I am no exception to that. Recently, my friend of the past 7 years lost her battle with melanoma (a form of skin cancer). She was young, smart, & inside-out beautiful. She was a good mother to her beautiful 4-year old little girl, a great friend to so many people, & an all around great person. I've had people in my life that have died, but never until her death did I take such a close look at my very own life. Besides the fact that we were friends and mothers alike, I also had a scare with melanoma. I remember the day when I was told that I needed to have a biopsy to rule out the possibility. At that moment I called my mom, and then my best friend. I cried at the possibility of having a terminal illness that could take me away from my children, my family, my friends. My biopsy returned a negative result, and I was able to proceed with my life as it was. Months later, I was told that I needed to call my friend. It had been quite some time since we had spoken or spent any time together. When I called her, she told me about her fight with this disease and I was in shock. How? Why? When? Her upbeat attitude and laughter kept me at ease and made me feel as though she would be alright. A few months later, God called her home. The thing is, I have so many thoughts about why God placed her in my life at the time and for the time that he did. I could have been the one fighting for my life with cancer. Maybe He felt that she was stronger than I am, and that I would fold immediately while she could carry what would seem to be the weight of the world on her shoulders. Maybe her faith in Him was proven to be greater than mine; that she would come out of the battle weary but not broken. I have always been one to complain about so much, but after speaking with her, just hearing her still be able to laugh and carry on, made me see that I have been so foolish for my spouting off. Afterall, I still have my life and she was fighting for hers! When I got the news of her death, I wondered how God could take her away from us, from her family, and her child. My mom told me to never question God's will. That she was one of His angels and that He needed her with Him. At that moment I realized one thing: that her death taught me so many lessons and opened my eyes up to things that had always been right there in front of me. Lessons about love, life & family. I let alot of time go by without calling or seeing my friend, thinking and feeling that there's always tomorrow. Well, there's not always tomorrow. When days, turn into weeks, months, and even years, you don't know where life could take you. And if you get so caught up in your own life that you don't stay in touch with those you care about, that time will fly by and before you know it your whole world could change. I can't think of one flaw that she possessed. I wonder if she was too good to be here in this world, while God only knows that I need alot of work before he wants me by his side! Ultimately, only He knows the plan that He has for each and every one of us. I believe that God wants for us to live our lives and trust in the plan that He has for us, never losing our faith. Afterall, I may not know what the plan is for my life, but He gave and continues to give me opportunities to follow the plan that he has set for me.

Read more...

Don't Just Sit There...DO Something!

Tired of your situation at home? At work? How many more times are you gonna complain about your body or your weight? Is your personal life all over the place?



Complaining or moping won't change anything, however, you have the power within to change the things that can be changed in your life. This may sound cliche' or cheesy, but you really do hold the key to your well-being and happiness. You can make one of two choices: sit back and let things happen TO you or take control of your destiny. It's all about the will that you have inside and how badly you want to change your life's circumstances. Don't complain about the bad way in which your man or woman treats you and expect for things to magically change. You have to step up and show them that you deserve nothing but the best and the utmost respect. If you can't get what you need from them, then they clearly aren't the one for you. Don't shovel tons of fast food and snacks into your mouth on a daily basis or sit around on the couch gripping the remote and then bitch about how none of your clothes fit. Make some healthy changes to your diet and incorporate some exercise into your daily routine. Take an honest look at your role in YOUR life and decide to improve or correct anything that is not beneficial. Allowing complacency to take over is detrimental. Getting started is the hardest part, but once you bring that strength to the forefront, it becomes easier and easier to strive for and achieve that happiness and contentment that you know you deserve. You have more control than you think...you just have to do something about it!

Read more...

If You Knew Better You Would DO Better!

Some people don't seem to realize that they are the sole reason behind the fuckery that permeates their lives. They have a hard time grasping the concept that all things take place in our lives to teach us lessons that we should be growing and learning from. Sadly, their are people of adult age who are not of adult mind sets. They still view the world and those around them through the eyes of naivety or ignorance. Life is cause and effect. Don't be ignorant.

Read more...

Imitation is Suicide

Don't carbon copy someone else's styles, ideas, or life. When you choose to imitate, you are committing suicide--suicide of self-expression and self-reliance. It becomes less about your style or ideas and more about theirs. Rely on yourself for the expressions of your heart, mind and soul. Be your own inspiration.

Read more...

Perception is Reality

You're a really intelligent, worldly, and well-rounded young woman. The problem is, your wardrobe and hair say something else. In a perfect world, no one would be judged by outer appearances, but by the content of their character and the charm of their personality. In the real world, people are "what you see is what you get" types. You could have just gone on "Jeopardy" and taken the grand prize, but ladies if you dress like a slut, you're going to be perceived as one. You may very well have a job, and even do that job quite well and with a smile on your face; but if you're wondering why you keep getting passed up for that promotion, take a look in the mirror. Is your hair a natural color that matches your complexion? Does your makeup look natural? Are your pants too tight? Top too low-cut? Love it or hate it, all of these things play a part in every aspect of your life. Making these small tweaks to your style can have many positive effects, including more respect on the job, a better quality of service in stores, even the type of men you attract! Sorry ladies but if you look easy that's how guys are going to treat you. If you're over a certain age--and I'm thinking 25ish here--certain looks and hairstyles should be deaded anyway. I know sex sells but if you aren't trying to sell your goodies, then it should be classy sexy style and not trashy style. No one is saying that if you're 28 to dress like you're 48. You can show a little skin and still be classy. Just know where that cut-off point is! I know some of you are going to say that it shouldn't matter and that if you like a certain type of hairstyle or hair color or style of clothing you're going to wear it regardless. That is fine. Just keep note of the negative labels that will be bestowed upon you for doing so. Alot of women look BETTER when given a "make under". You are still you, just a more presentable version of you!

Read more...

Keeping Up with the Joneses

Let's face it. In today's society, there's alot of pressure to attain material things. The big home with the pool, the big luxury car or SUV, expensive clothes & bags, jewels, etc. Personally, I don't feel that there's anything wrong with working for the things that you want--material or otherwise. Everyone wants bigger and better things. The problem lies in wanting to be bigger than everyone else at any cost...the "keeping up with the Joneses" mentality. I constantly see people who try to compare their material possessions to that of others and that type of behavior is just crazy on so many different levels and for so many different reasons. No two people in this world are the same. Different people measure and define success in different ways. Therefore, success should be defined by an individual in their own terms and not in comparison to what someone else deems successful. It is a complete waste of time and energy to compare yourself and your possessions to someone else's. If you don't have it and you want it, use that pity party energy to go out and get it! But, if you only want it because the next person has it, you may need to reevaluate your justifications for wanting these things. Constantly comparing what you have to that of your friends, family, neighbors, and co-workers only ends up driving down your self-esteem. You could win the lottery today and there will still be someone richer than you. Like I said, there is nothing wrong with wanting to have material things, but it becomes an issue when you value yourself solely for what you have. At the end of the day, it's all just material and none of us can take it with us when we pass. There should be no car, home, piece of clothing, or diamond that can compare to the amount of love you have for yourself. Keep in mind the following quote: "Ordinary riches can be stolen; real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you."~Oscar Wilde.

Read more...

How Independent is TOO Independent?

Nowadays, we as women are more independent than ever. Not only do we bring home the bacon, but we fryin' it up too! We're out here holding it down--full-time career women, mothers, wives/girlfriends, students & socialites all wrapped up in one gorgeous & fly package. Vacays, shopping sprees & nice dinners are being paid for courtesy of who?...yours truly. Home improvement projects as well as that fresh wax job on that fly whip...taken care of by who?...muah. I feel so blessed to be one of these strong and independent women who is more than capable of taking care of herself, but the question existing is what place or role do I play with the opposite sex?

I've heard men joke that today's women are basically one step away from lesbian because of the way we're providing for ourselves. Although the joke is funny (well not really) I can see where it applies. I'm not the voice of all women so I can't speak for everyone but personally, I don't feel as though I am so independent as to where a man cannot play his part/role in my life. There is a song by Jill Scott called (The Fact Is) I Need You ("Words and Sounds Vol. 2", #4) and I love it because Jill sings so passionately about how even though she can do so much for herself that she still needs her man. Let's first clarify what I mean by "need" because some women take that word with such a negative connotation. Needing your man doesn't mean that you're incapable or needy, clinging to his every word. By design, there are roles that we play as men and as women and I truly believe that. No matter how much we can do on our own, ladies, stop screaming that you don't need nothing from a man! Because the minute a man doesn't play his part who starts screaming about that??? Own your independence and take pride in it but don't let it hinder a relationship with a man. The very fact that we women do so much on the day to day, it should feel nice to stop, take a breather and let a man do some things for us. This doesn't make you any less of a woman. So, whether you're Wonder Woman, Super Woman or Every Woman, just remember that you should never be so much woman that you can't allow a man to be a man.

*Disclaimer: When I say "man" in this post, that refers to mature, responsible, employed, ambitious, educated, bank account-having, vehicle and apt/home in his own name-type, good credit-having brothers.*

Read more...

Wanna Be Happy?...Speak Life!

Overall, I'm a happy person. Of course I have problems, issues, hurdles to overcome, characteristics that could use some change, etc, etc...but none of that outweighs my happiness. Now, I'm not real big on religion but I do believe in God, and my faith in Him tells me that first and foremost HAVING life is something worth singing and dancing about. So with that in tow, I not only know that He has a plan for my life, but while I'm here, I am responsible for making my life the happiest it can be. I have been lucky as well as blessed because I claim the things in life that I want. For example, when I wanted a certain job--I mean really wanted it--I referred to that job as "mine". I talked about that job as if I had been made an offer! Sure enough, the job really was mine! Sad and miserable people create their own misery. If everything in your life is problematic, you may need to take a step back to see if YOU are the cause of your own misery. I am not saying that life won't deal you a bad hand, but it's all in how you play the hand you were dealt. "Work sucks", "I hate my boss", "Why can't I drive a better car?", "I'm always broke!"...these negative statements, believe it or not, speak life. If you want to feel like crap at work for eight hours a day, five days a week then ok...keep it up! You may get a call saying that you no longer have that job! Go ahead and keep complaining about your car because when it suddenly and mysteriously dies on you, you'll be wishing for the car that is already yours. Nothing but lint lining your pockets? Well, to an extent, this may be beyond some of our control. But why not think of ways to earn more or find ways to work with what you have? I promise that when I stopped complaining about my money and thanked The Man Upstairs for His monetary blessings, things started to change financially for me. On those days where you may wake up on the wrong side of the bed, still tell yourself that today is a new day and that you are gonna be happy regardless. A person with a constant sad or mad disposition gains a quick reputation as one to stay away from. Everyone has problems so who are you to wear yours on your sleeve and really think that people are supposed to be accepting of your crap-shit attitude? A smile is contagious--no, really, it is--and it not only "infects" those around you, but YOU as well. If anything, you want to feel, look, and actually BE happy, so why not do something so simple to make yourself feel better? You don't have to walk around like "Ms. Congeniality" but walking around like a suicidal basket case isn't healthy either. So...you want happiness? Speak it! Tell yourself that you deserve to be happy because the truth of the matter is you do. I've always been told that you speak your destiny and I truly believe that. Positivity plays such a role in all aspects of one's life, from personal to social to financial, to professional. Lay claim to the things you desire for and within your life. Speak life and watch what happens!

Read more...