I Think You Misplaced Something...

Excuse me, but you seem to have misplaced something that's quite essential to your existence...and if you think I'm talking about your Blackberry then you're crazy!

Your identity is missing, please go find it!

Am I totally missing the mark here or is there something wrong with just being yourself? If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery yet it's also suicide, I guess that explains why it seems as though people are dying to be like those they admire. I'm not saying that we shouldn't be inspired by music or fashion, but we shouldn't be slaves to it either. These things should compliment what's already there inside of you. I'll say this for example: I love fashion mags and like most women who are into fashion, we get alot of our ideas from those very mags. The key is to take a style trend or idea and ADD YOUR OWN PERSONAL STYLE OR IDEA TO IT, not be a total carbon copy! Personally, when I'm out & about I feel like I'm at a casting call for "Attack of the Clones". It's all skinny jeans and nerd glasses on the guys or Nicki Minaj wannabes! I don't know about you but I'm no character, and Halloween only happens once a year so all the costumes don't make sense to me.

If you're a natural-born follower then I guess I'm not talking to you, but for those who claim to be and take pride in being individuals, free-thinkers, trendsetters, & innovators: stay blazin' trails because it actually takes more effort to try to be someone else.

The lost & found is filled with identities who wish to claim their owners...make sure that you reclaim yours.

Your identity might be lost if:

~The only liquor you drink is whatever you heard your favorite rapper talking about in his latest song...

~You suddenly got in touch with your Asian roots, found out that your dad's great-grandmother's sister-in-law was 1/8 Korean, and now you consider yourself "Blasian"...

~You can't get dressed until you've watched--and re-watched--the video channels...

~The only ideas you can come up with or talk about are those you read on the celeb gossip blogs...

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"Inanet" Gangstas Come Out & Play

Through the years, I've had a few issues & a few problems with females who seem to dislike me for no reason, but it occured to me that it's gotten worse in my adult years. Add in the fact that ever since social networking sites have flourished, the level of anonymous haters has grown as well. The anonymous haters are the worst kind. What makes them worse than your average run-of-the-mill hater is that they can hide behind their computer screens and log-in names and type whatever they want about you with no reprieve. Just close your eyes for a moment...imagine a female who's probably that loud-mouth tough-girl type but knows she wouldn't bust a grape in a food fight. She really gets to pop off online the way her scary ass would never dream of doing to anyone's face. She's at home, sitting at her computer, going ham on those she envies or is too cowardly to approach. This makes her feel as though she's accomplished something. After she secretly posts her remarks, she has a sadistic smirk that's saying "I told that bitch!" The truly sad part is that she's one of your MySpace or FB "friends" who leaves nice comments on your profile or wall regularly!

WTF???

I love the internet for it's vast resources, for giving me the opportunity to let my opinions be heard, and for allowing me the opportunity to meet & network with so many great peoople. What I hate about it is that it's bred so many "E-thugs" like an epidemic. These E-thugs and anonymous haters know that there's virtually no way to be caught in the act, so that gives them their motivation. To them, they have legitimate cause to harass you and try to make your life as miserable as their own. So, where does that leave the hatee? As the hatee, never explain yourself. Never. I know they say it's best to ignore certain things, but I can't lie, I'm a sucker for a show & pretty much have a twisted sense of humor...basically, I like to make the anonymous hater feel even more stupid than they already are. Since it's my attention they're after and they're trying to upset me, I give them just enough for them to feel special for a moment...they get a ";-)" That's it. Just one. Anything after that is a waste of time. Now, go laugh it off.

Someone once told me that you can't win a fight with someone who's not really there. Anonymous is defined as having an unknown or unacknowledged name. Nuff said.

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You Can Learn Alot From a Dummy

Sometimes, the lessons we're taught in life ironically are the result of dealing with total idiots. No matter how frustrating or upsetting, I've been able to let go of certain situations because the party involved was living proof that some people just never learn. It's like nothing that happens ever affects them and they walk around totally oblivious. To say the least, dealing with dummies was stressful...but it doesn't have to be! Having said that, I'm going on record as saying that I, being of sound mind and body, do hereby declare that from this point on, I will never again allow myself to be upset by a dummy; but instead, allow said dummy to remind me to thank God for the abundance of brain cells that I was blessed with. Remember, you can learn alot from a dummy.

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Is It All About The Benjamins?

Just how important is money in a relationship? According to most therapists, relationship experts, and the average joe...very. Below are excerpts from an interview that talks about this issue as well as underlying issues, with Margaret Shapiro, LCSW from www.councilforrelationships.org. She raises lots of valid points that I agree with. Take a look:

"Money is one of the biggest sources of arguments among couples. But money may not be the real subject at all, according to Margaret Shapiro, a licensed Clinical Social Worker, founding director of the Couples Communication Program and an assistant director of CFR's University City office. Couples may be fighting over issues of power, trust, priorities and commitment. Money can evoke powerful feelings of (in)adequacy, (in)security, and feeling (un)loved. Drawing from her 25 years experience, Ms. Shapiro gives great insight on how couples can overcome conflicts that arise when dealing with money.
Where does money rank in terms of what causes problems in relationships?
From my experience, money ranks number one. Two prominent researchers, Howard Markman and Scott Stanley from the University of Denver, have done a study and found that at every stage of marriage people fought about money more than about careers, in-laws, chores, communication or children (Stanley and Markman, 1997, copyright PREP, Inc.).

What makes money such a difficult issue for couples?
Money is such a powerful and important subject in our culture and has so many hidden meanings including: feeling loved and cared about, feeling competent, feeling safe and secure, accepted, acknowledged and empowered - all of which are core issues. These feelings are difficult to talk about directly. They often emerge as fights about a bill, a parking ticket, a gift, a secret savings or checking account, or about how one spouse does or doesn't keep track of checks. Money is real, but it's also a symbol and a metaphor. A good example is an engagement ring. What does it mean to have a big ring, small ring, no ring, a ring passed down in a family, or one put on a credit card. There is no right answer, but it's important for couples to talk about what it means for each of them.

...people often think if you inherit two million dollars your problems are solved. The meaning of money is just so different to people. What I've found is that it isn't a matter of how much or how little you have, it is more what money signifies to you at a particular time in your life...

...A certain amount of money is essential for survival. But money is also a tool to enhance life and make it more fun and rewarding. It is not an end in itself and it cannot guarantee health, love, safety, competence, self-esteem or any of the things that are truly important..."

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Independent Women

To all my dime divas who get money, stay fly, pay your own way, rent & bills, ride in your own whips, take good care of your children, keep your man comin' back for more, hair & lipgloss poppin', handlin' business & not waitin' for anyone to do it for you...

BIG UPS TO YOU...RAISE YOUR CHAMPAGNE GLASSES TO THE SKY!!!



Keep doin' it big and be proud to be Ms. Independent!

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TOO Addicted

Some people are waaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy too into the internet networking thing. There are actually people who live their entire lives through Myspace and FB. I swear it seems as if some people never log off! Some of the statuses and pics that I see on Myspace and FB are just crazy! The world already has access to you via your page and profile, so is it really necessary to post your most intimate and/or private moments? It's almost like a desperation thing or a cry for help of sorts. People need to keep it light and fun without giving away too much. I mean, it is the WORLD WIDE WEB!!! There was a girl who actually posted hospital pics of herself after (allegedly) being sexually assaulted! Like, seriously, who does that??? That's what I mean by a cry for help or attention. Clearly, she shouldn't have been disclosing such personal and tragic info via her FB page.

People, please keep the personals to a minimum. It's weird to post every detail of your life like that! It's also weird to never log-off! And just like for any addiction, weaning yourself can break the habit.

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Family...It Ain't What It Used To Be

Do you remember when all family had was each other? Your cousins were like your sisters and brothers. Your aunts and uncles were like your mom and dad. You wouldn't dream of talking back (where anyone could hear you) because at any time any adult member of the family would tear that ass up! Every holiday was a huge gathering where even family who moved out of town would come home to celebrate. When you fought, so did your sisters, brothers, and cousins. It didn't matter that Aunt Rose had more than Aunt Judy...everybody was just family.

Where did the family dynamic go???

Now, you have families divided, fighting over money and material things, talking behind one another's backs, stealing from each other, even killing each other! The holidays aren't even enough of a reason for families to reunite anymore. So many people now just stay at home and cook dinner for their immediate household.



Family is necessary, special and important. Families are the glue that hold this society together. The unraveling of family seems to be why our society is also unraveling. Maybe once family starts opening their homes and hearts again to one another, we can change some of the terrible occurrences that are taking place in this world.

I have a close knit family and for this, I am grateful. We don't always have lots of time to spend, but when we do it's always so much fun. I love to sit and reminisce with my older cousins while they pick with me about how they used to pick with me! I know that I can go to Aunt Mary's and Uncle James's (my great aunt and uncle)house on any day at any time of the day and be welcome with open arms. My fave older cousins Nita, Tonya, and Sandy will be there also ready to make me laugh.

Alot of times, when life seems so crazy, just being able to go back to your roots can be just the cure you need.

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If The Truth Hurts, Say "OUCH!"

As the old saying goes, people who live in glass houses should not throw stones. I think we've all heard that before as well as understand exactly what it means. I am not now, nor have I ever been, a mean or malicious person. If you don't mess with me then you don't have to worry about me messing with you. On the other hand, if you try to defame my character by telling lies and spreading rumors, then your intention is to hurt or destroy me. At that point I have no choice but to defend who I am by any means necessary. In person or otherwise, I will address any issue.
Don't get me wrong, I am never offended by those who just plain don't like me. Those people still get a smile because there's not enough time in my day to try and decipher the logistics of what problems people may or may not have with me. But, to anyone who thinks they are going to take shots in my direction, indirectly or directly, I WILL fire back! I don't need to use an alias or come with false info. I know how to hit where it hurts the most with my face front and center. I let alot roll off my shoulders and take alot of heat, but never mistake that for me being weak. I choose my battles and crush the opposing side. Having said that, the truth always defeats a lie. So, if the truth hurts, say "ouch!"

Now...back to my regular scheduled program...

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The Cost To Be A Bad Bitch

I was talking to my homegirl Ms. Tropikana. We were talking about females and how it seems as though everyone wants to be known as a "bad bitch" yet lacks the understanding of what being one really means. Being a bad bitch is more than being pretty; let's just clear that up first and foremost. This title comes with a lot attached to it and if you're lacking or slacking in any areas, you can't wear this crown. You've heard the saying "you gotta pay the cost to be the boss." Well, the same rules apply here.



THE BAD BITCH CHECKLIST

Hella SWAG~ Bad bitches have loads of swaggy confidence. They silently command attention when they walk into a room. It's all eyes front and center when she enters. Swag can't be purchased and doesn't come in the bag with your wardrobe. It's all about knowing how to exude that inner fly chick. Bad bitches don't blend in with the crowd. They stand out.

Style Intact~ Style has to be at 100 when you're a bad bitch. No excuses. It's not about the price of the clothes but more so the level of personal style mixed with keeping up with what's hot. From head to toe, everything from hair to makeup to shoes, has to be the hotness. A bad bitch does not get caught slippin! She manages to make casual look chic and makes a night on the town look like a red carpet event.

Be a diva...without being an actual bitch~ Having all the components of "divadom" doesn't mean you have to have a stank 'tude. That's not what being a bad bitch is about. BB's recognize other BB's and give them their props. There's no ice grillin' and no hating on the other women in the vicinity.

Ms. Independent~ Bad bitches are self-sufficient and hustle hard for theirs. They aren't gold diggers and they aren't waiting around for Captain Save 'Em. The crib, the car, the bills, are all paid for and she still looks good. Any extras from her man are just that--extras. If she has children, they are well taken care of and look just as good as she does. When BB's go out, they buy their own drinks or bottles, chill with their rock star crew, and dance the night away...with all eyes on them. Whether she's single or attached, a bad bitch has fun with her dates or her man while maintaining her own interests. She's not the needy type.

Never Let 'Em See You Sweat~ We all have emotions but it's all in how you wear them. Bad bitches are the envy of insecure chicks and these chicks are praying for a BB's downfall! They are watching closely to see any trace of self-doubt. No matter what the circumstances, a bad bitch plays it cool.

and last but not least...

Bad bitches have a bad walk~ The world is a BB's catwalk. She struts with confidence and with her head held high facing the world. Bad bitches should also have what I call that "stallion stance"--head up, shoulders back, everything centered yet relaxed. It's not easy, but comes natural to a BB.



It costs to be a BAD BITCH...can you handle it?

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2009's Resolutions

With this year coming to an end and the new year quickly approaching, I've begun thinking about the things that I could change to make 2009 an even better year than 2008 was. Normally, I don't make new year's resolutions, but as I am getting older, I would like to try and streamline certain aspects of my life to help make me a better me. My promise to myself was to not be unrealistic or be too hard on myself, but to come up with resolutions that I can build up to over the span of the year, not just the first month or two. Here are my 2009 New Year's resolutions in no particular order:

~Read more books~reading helps with focus, builds your vocabulary, and keeps your mind fresh. I gotta keep this brain working!

~Get more excercise & eat better~I lo-lo-lo-love to eat! Since I don't have any plans to go on a "diet" (diets fail), I have decided to watch my portions and to drink more water. Also, I refuse to pay for a gym membership until March (after everyone else falls off w/ their NYR to workout) so I will return to my two mile jogs at Garfield Park every other day.

~Keep my tude in check~I admit that I could learn to shut the hell up sometimes when it comes to my smart mouth. I'm not a total bitch, but I do have a tendency to pop off unnecessarily.

~Go back to school~I love to learn and I am quite the school nerd. My excuses for not returning to school last year are not gonna fly this year. Even if it's just part time, I have to make it a point to obtain that degree.

~Try new things~I am a creature of habit and I NEVER venture into new territory. I am going to stop being such a punk ass and try new things.

~Appreciate myself more~self explanatory.

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